I don't get why there's such heavy competition with women today. I mean, aren't we all supposed to be like "I am woman hear me roar" and all that good shit? It's especially puzzling to me why old women still choose to compete and sometimes they choose to compete with extremely younger women *Side note: When I say old, I'm talking late 60's- 70's and up. Yes, I know there are still some women out there in there 40's and sometimes 50's that can still look like grade A milfs so I am just clarifying before you all lynch me.
Anyways, let's take my neighbor and I for example. I am by no means saying that I'm a "regulation hottie" but age does play a factor in this whole competition thing. So, I'm 26 years old. My neighbor, let's call her "Flaming Hot Cheetos" for lack of a better nickname, is... oh I don't know, 126 years old. (In reality she's more then likely pushing into her late 60's.) This lady used to compare our fatness to each other, wondering aloud whether she was, in her own words "as fat as her (me)"
*Second side note: Lost some weight didn't I, cheetos? Booyah! in yo face.*
But, lately, she's taken to wearing clothes that are obviously not meant for her age. Whatever happened to growing old gracefully? I don't know if this woman thinks she's Cyndi Lauper's twin or what but what I do know is that if your breasts have been on a steady migration southbound for so long that you haven't seen your nipples since the Watergate Scandal... It's about time to find more age appropriate clothing.
Ladies: There is nothing wrong with being more covered up as you age and frankly some of you need to be more covered up. There's also nothing wrong with accepting the inevitable deterioration of our own forms anyway. When I get old, I am gonna smoke my cigarettes, let my boobs say hi to my feet, let my head naturally droop as if in a race with my boobs to see who can hit the ground first, and lastly, embrace my facial wrinkles like a Neapolitan Mastiff!!
but back to the subject of clothing. Let's talk about a different kind of clothing (or rather a lack thereof): Under garments! Understandable that in the late 60's women burned their bras and all sorts of under wear as a show of rebellion to social feminine conformity but it's 2010! and if you are replicating an orangutan then it's time to slap some boulder holders on those bad boys... this is not Wild Animal Kingdom.
In short, if you are heading into your Golden Years why not head there gracefully? Tastefully? Because, do you really wanna die and the only clothes your family has to bury you in is your daisy dukes, hot pink transparent tights, and glitter pasties? I think not.
..:: Fin ::..
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Agility is not my middle name
So I was on my facebook, ranting about my landlord, when someone suggested I throw a stink bomb in her car. Not only was this highly amusing, but I had to stop and wonder about the possibilities.
I imagined myself sneaking up to her car with a mischievous look in my eye. I would throw the stink bomb forcefully into the car making sure it broke, to get the full-smelly-effect. So I'd sinisterly laugh like those villains in a bad action movie and turn to flee the scene..... *AND* this is where my clumsiness in all it's full glory would come out. Anyway, I would turn to flee and somehow my feet would get entangled with each other, as I am usually prone to doing. I would let out some high pitched squeal similar to a mouse about to be stepped on, and -as if this were happening in slow motion- I would feel myself slowly falling to the ground, seeing every inch of the concrete coming closer to my face. Suddenly, my arms would react and reach out in time to get the most impact from hitting the ground. There I would be, sprawled on the ground, not knowing what happened. Of course my landlord would undoubtedly walk up around this time thus catching me at my super failed attempt at extracting revenge.
Because you see, I am by no means a ninja. I'm not even a level one ninja-in-training. I'm actually the person that sweeps up the remnants of the smoke bombs left by the master ninja's that have oh-so-deftly gotten away.... and that, folks, is my place in this world.
..:: Fin ::..
I imagined myself sneaking up to her car with a mischievous look in my eye. I would throw the stink bomb forcefully into the car making sure it broke, to get the full-smelly-effect. So I'd sinisterly laugh like those villains in a bad action movie and turn to flee the scene..... *AND* this is where my clumsiness in all it's full glory would come out. Anyway, I would turn to flee and somehow my feet would get entangled with each other, as I am usually prone to doing. I would let out some high pitched squeal similar to a mouse about to be stepped on, and -as if this were happening in slow motion- I would feel myself slowly falling to the ground, seeing every inch of the concrete coming closer to my face. Suddenly, my arms would react and reach out in time to get the most impact from hitting the ground. There I would be, sprawled on the ground, not knowing what happened. Of course my landlord would undoubtedly walk up around this time thus catching me at my super failed attempt at extracting revenge.
Because you see, I am by no means a ninja. I'm not even a level one ninja-in-training. I'm actually the person that sweeps up the remnants of the smoke bombs left by the master ninja's that have oh-so-deftly gotten away.... and that, folks, is my place in this world.
..:: Fin ::..
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Not to toot my own horn but... I'm awesome.
Welcome kids. So for lack of something to write about at the moment and just the sheer "vaingloriousness" (well butter my butt if that isn't a $5.00 word!) of it all I figured I'd start my blog off where most bloggers do... Talking about themselves. Now, as I sat here wondering what in the H I should say, I realized just how much of an idiosyncratic little nerd I really am... Rather then sit here and write myself into literal perfection, I am going to list down all of the things about me that make me.... "The Klumsy Nerd"
- My grandmother's nickname for me is Onang.... That in itself qualifies me for fobtastic status.
- I love saying "pwn'd."
-... I actually know what it means.
- I play forum based RPG games.
- My proudest RPG moment thus far is being a power player at Koalingo! *High Five*
- I smoke entirely too much.
- I am constantly falling, tripping, rolling, and sliding all over the place.
- ... and it's usually because I've tripped over my own feet.
- I listened to Hanson as a preteen
- ...I still have some of their songs on my computer
- I used to be afraid of being too smart
- Now, smart people intimidate the fuck out of me.
- One of my past times were to talk binary code to friends online...
- 01110011 01100101 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110010 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101....
- ^ Translation: See how much of a nerd I am
- but yet I suck at math.
- When I was learning binary code, I got laughed at for saying "2" ..... *sigh* I fail.
- I've always wanted to be in a musical
- I sound like I'm killing a cat when I sing
- I wanted to play the guitar and envisioned myself as a young, filipina Joan Jett
- I fail at that too. hehe.
- The worst thing you could do to me is steal my cigarettes. Then we couldn't be friends anymore.
- I'm 26 years old
- Around my good friends I act like I'm 6 years old
- I want to collect all the teenyboppers in the world and throw them in a vat of their own lipgloss
- And yet, I was one back in the day...
- Which was about 10 years ago....
- Science dammit that makes me feel old.... moving on.
- I'm extremely afraid of standing in front of crowds (giving speeches, acting in drama class, etc.) I literally feel the urge to puke, piss, and shit myself.... all at once. Good times!
- If I could be a successful author, I'd die a happy person.
- Writing is my love.
- Last but not least; I am awesome.
..::Fin::..
- My grandmother's nickname for me is Onang.... That in itself qualifies me for fobtastic status.
- I love saying "pwn'd."
-... I actually know what it means.
- I play forum based RPG games.
- My proudest RPG moment thus far is being a power player at Koalingo! *High Five*
- I smoke entirely too much.
- I am constantly falling, tripping, rolling, and sliding all over the place.
- ... and it's usually because I've tripped over my own feet.
- I listened to Hanson as a preteen
- ...I still have some of their songs on my computer
- I used to be afraid of being too smart
- Now, smart people intimidate the fuck out of me.
- One of my past times were to talk binary code to friends online...
- 01110011 01100101 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110010 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101....
- ^ Translation: See how much of a nerd I am
- but yet I suck at math.
- When I was learning binary code, I got laughed at for saying "2" ..... *sigh* I fail.
- I've always wanted to be in a musical
- I sound like I'm killing a cat when I sing
- I wanted to play the guitar and envisioned myself as a young, filipina Joan Jett
- I fail at that too. hehe.
- The worst thing you could do to me is steal my cigarettes. Then we couldn't be friends anymore.
- I'm 26 years old
- Around my good friends I act like I'm 6 years old
- I want to collect all the teenyboppers in the world and throw them in a vat of their own lipgloss
- And yet, I was one back in the day...
- Which was about 10 years ago....
- Science dammit that makes me feel old.... moving on.
- I'm extremely afraid of standing in front of crowds (giving speeches, acting in drama class, etc.) I literally feel the urge to puke, piss, and shit myself.... all at once. Good times!
- If I could be a successful author, I'd die a happy person.
- Writing is my love.
- Last but not least; I am awesome.
..::Fin::..
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