Common Sense Relationship Rules That Aren't So Common

So, my relationship is reaching the decade milestone next year. I would love to be able to say that my man and I have reached a harmonious level in our relationship... but I'd be lying. I don't think that level of harmony can really be reached until your Golden Years, and that's only because you don't give enough of a shit to use up the energy to fight with your significant other.


But what I have learned in my relationship is that there are certain rules you must follow to at least achieve the willpower not to kill your significant other. Common sense rules that do not seem to be so common.

SO! They are as follows:


Rule #1: Don't Cheat!


I know temptation is out there but I don't know how many times I've heard "It just happened."... So, I'm assuming by that statement, it went something like this... "BAM! Your clothes are off... BAM! Your uglies make contact... BAM! It's... over?" I don't think so. There has to be some degree of premeditation to that. It's not like when you talk to kids about sex and you say, "and BAM! Your little brother arrived." If picturing the look of pure hurt in y our significant other's eyes is not enough to stop you then try picturing the look of pure rage in their eyes as they wrap their hands around your neck.


Rule #2: Knowing Everything About Your SO = Bond. Not Ammunition.


Okay, so almost everyone is guilty of a little mudslinging when they fight. *raises hand* Myself included. It's very hard to control your mouth going on auto pilot when you're in the middle of a heated argument. But what I don't understand is when you get a tad bit annoyed and already you're mudslinging, using privileged information that only you know, to push your SO's buttons and drive them insane.


My question is: Why do something you know is going to ignite a fight? Why waste your time and energy trying to get into a huge fight that has the potential to spin out of control? Yea, sure, make up sex is great and all but it's not worth actually starting a fight for.


Rule #3: The Right Way to Argue


There is a generalized idea of men wanting space after a fight and women wanting to talk and talk and talk about it. I say, get to know your partner. Observe them. If after a fight they turn on the video games, or go to the gym, then it's best to let them cool off before engaging in a conversation. If, for example, you are like my fiance and I, then a compromise is needed. He is the type that wants some space to calm down and I am the type that needs to talk and vent to be able to calm down. The ideal would be that he does what he needs to, to calm down and I go and vent to a friend. However, this is where the inharmonious part of our relationship lies and we tend to forget what we need to do, individually, to calm down. In any case, if you want to avoid a headache then it's best to back off and respect each other's way of cooling off. To do otherwise would ultimately lead to the really bad mudslinging most of us try to avoid.


Rule #4: "Me-Time"


Just because you're in a relationship or even if you're in the family way, it doesn't mean you should forget that you are still an individual. Take time to just focus on you and your needs/wants. Your partner needs to respect that and you need to respect your partner's "Me-Time." Not a one way street, people. Besides, couple's that are handcuffed together come across as insecure and pretty annoying. You did have a life before your SO, you know? or maybe you didn't, I don't know, but in any case if you spent your single nights playing scrabble with your dog then that's nobody's B-I-business but your's... Maybe it's time to break out the scrabble tiles and reconnect with Fido. Whatever. Just take the time to do what you love.


Rule #5: Trust


This is the big one. If your SO has done nothing wrong, then don't treat them like they're Prisoner #248 in Cell Block A. If you can't trust your partner knowing damn well that they have not done anything wrong, then it's not them that needs to be checked; It's you. Heard the expression, "Check yourself before you wreck yourself?" That applies to you. You will single-handedly ruin your relationship faster then introducing a gerbil into your bedroom antics... (If you're into that, my bad. I won't judge.)


Now if your partner has done something wrong then you can do 1 of 2 things: Either you cut it and in which case this blog post need not apply to you anymore (You can do bad all by yourself anyway.) OR you can take the time to let yourself heal from the betrayal. Don't mask it! You'll just end up exploding into a fit of rage and not many people can afford bail. Talk it out with your partner. They need to understand and take the responsibility for their fuck-up and realize your trust isn't going to come back overnight. It takes a long time to build back broken trust and 0.5 seconds to screw it up. Communication is key and both of you need to be up to the commitment of making the relationship work. Otherwise go with Option 1 and tell your partner to kick rocks.


In Conclusion


There are so many more things to ensuring that your relationship doesn't turn into a bloodbath. But these 5 rules are the most common sense ones to follow. GOOD LUCK and when all else fails then read "Art of War" by Sun Tzu.


..::Fin::..

The world of women

I don't get why there's such heavy competition with women today. I mean, aren't we all supposed to be like "I am woman hear me roar" and all that good shit? It's especially puzzling to me why old women still choose to compete and sometimes they choose to compete with extremely younger women *Side note: When I say old, I'm talking late 60's- 70's and up. Yes, I know there are still some women out there in there 40's and sometimes 50's that can still look like grade A milfs so I am just clarifying before you all lynch me.

Anyways, let's take my neighbor and I for example. I am by no means saying that I'm a "regulation hottie" but age does play a factor in this whole competition thing. So, I'm 26 years old. My neighbor, let's call her "Flaming Hot Cheetos" for lack of a better nickname, is... oh I don't know, 126 years old. (In reality she's more then likely pushing into her late 60's.) This lady used to compare our fatness to each other, wondering aloud whether she was, in her own words "as fat as her (me)"
*Second side note: Lost some weight didn't I, cheetos? Booyah! in yo face.*

But, lately, she's taken to wearing clothes that are obviously not meant for her age. Whatever happened to growing old gracefully? I don't know if this woman thinks she's Cyndi Lauper's twin or what but what I do know is that if your breasts have been on a steady migration southbound for so long that you haven't seen your nipples since the Watergate Scandal... It's about time to find more age appropriate clothing.

Ladies: There is nothing wrong with being more covered up as you age and frankly some of you need to be more covered up. There's also nothing wrong with accepting the inevitable deterioration of our own forms anyway. When I get old, I am gonna smoke my cigarettes, let my boobs say hi to my feet, let my head naturally droop as if in a race with my boobs to see who can hit the ground first, and lastly, embrace my facial wrinkles like a Neapolitan Mastiff!!

but back to the subject of clothing. Let's talk about a different kind of clothing (or rather a lack thereof): Under garments! Understandable that in the late 60's women burned their bras and all sorts of under wear as a show of rebellion to social feminine conformity but it's 2010! and if you are replicating an orangutan then it's time to slap some boulder holders on those bad boys... this is not Wild Animal Kingdom.

In short, if you are heading into your Golden Years why not head there gracefully? Tastefully? Because, do you really wanna die and the only clothes your family has to bury you in is your daisy dukes, hot pink transparent tights, and glitter pasties? I think not.

..:: Fin ::..

Agility is not my middle name

So I was on my facebook, ranting about my landlord, when someone suggested I throw a stink bomb in her car. Not only was this highly amusing, but I had to stop and wonder about the possibilities.

I imagined myself sneaking up to her car with a mischievous look in my eye. I would throw the stink bomb forcefully into the car making sure it broke, to get the full-smelly-effect. So I'd sinisterly laugh like those villains in a bad action movie and turn to flee the scene..... *AND* this is where my clumsiness in all it's full glory would come out. Anyway, I would turn to flee and somehow my feet would get entangled with each other, as I am usually prone to doing. I would let out some high pitched squeal similar to a mouse about to be stepped on, and -as if this were happening in slow motion- I would feel myself slowly falling to the ground, seeing every inch of the concrete coming closer to my face. Suddenly, my arms would react and reach out in time to get the most impact from hitting the ground. There I would be, sprawled on the ground, not knowing what happened. Of course my landlord would undoubtedly walk up around this time thus catching me at my super failed attempt at extracting revenge.

Because you see, I am by no means a ninja. I'm not even a level one ninja-in-training. I'm actually the person that sweeps up the remnants of the smoke bombs left by the master ninja's that have oh-so-deftly gotten away.... and that, folks, is my place in this world.

..:: Fin ::..

Not to toot my own horn but... I'm awesome.

Welcome kids. So for lack of something to write about at the moment and just the sheer "vaingloriousness" (well butter my butt if that isn't a $5.00 word!) of it all I figured I'd start my blog off where most bloggers do... Talking about themselves. Now, as I sat here wondering what in the H I should say, I realized just how much of an idiosyncratic little nerd I really am... Rather then sit here and write myself into literal perfection, I am going to list down all of the things about me that make me.... "The Klumsy Nerd"

- My grandmother's nickname for me is Onang.... That in itself qualifies me for fobtastic status.

- I love saying "pwn'd."

-... I actually know what it means.

- I play forum based RPG games.

- My proudest RPG moment thus far is being a power player at Koalingo! *High Five*

- I smoke entirely too much.

- I am constantly falling, tripping, rolling, and sliding all over the place.

- ... and it's usually because I've tripped over my own feet.

- I listened to Hanson as a preteen

- ...I still have some of their songs on my computer

- I used to be afraid of being too smart

- Now, smart people intimidate the fuck out of me.

- One of my past times were to talk binary code to friends online...

- 01110011 01100101 01100101 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110010 01100100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101....

- ^ Translation: See how much of a nerd I am

- but yet I suck at math.

- When I was learning binary code, I got laughed at for saying "2" ..... *sigh* I fail.

- I've always wanted to be in a musical

- I sound like I'm killing a cat when I sing

- I wanted to play the guitar and envisioned myself as a young, filipina Joan Jett

- I fail at that too. hehe.

- The worst thing you could do to me is steal my cigarettes. Then we couldn't be friends anymore.

- I'm 26 years old

- Around my good friends I act like I'm 6 years old

- I want to collect all the teenyboppers in the world and throw them in a vat of their own lipgloss

- And yet, I was one back in the day...

- Which was about 10 years ago....

- Science dammit that makes me feel old.... moving on.

- I'm extremely afraid of standing in front of crowds (giving speeches, acting in drama class, etc.) I literally feel the urge to puke, piss, and shit myself.... all at once. Good times!

- If I could be a successful author, I'd die a happy person.

- Writing is my love.

- Last but not least; I am awesome.

..::Fin::..